How often do you let other peoples judgments stop you? Shut you down from being you?
What if you could use their judgments to your advantage?
Growing up I was taught to not do things that people would judge your for. To fit in. To act in a way that was right good perfect and correct. What did that create? REBEL!!
I know that on more than one occasion my mother was mortified by my behavior and that is only the things she knew about. Giggle!
It became a game for me to see how much I could get away with while still being judged as right good perfect and correct. I had so much fun with that. Parents loved me as I led their son astray 😉
So how can you use peoples judgments to your advantage? Lets start by looking at what a judgement is and what it creates.
A judgement creates a blinker, it stops you from seeing anything other than your judgment. If you have the judgement that someone is wonderful and kind can you ever see when they are being unkind and mean? As a teenager I would use the judgement that I was a good girl who was a top student and was from a good family (all true) to my advantage. Along with those judgments come a heap of other conclusions and judgments such as:
- Top students are only interested in their studies
- Good girls don’t do “certain things”
- Coming from a good family means this and that
So when people had those judgments of me did they see the places that I was not fitting into their judgments? Now if I was to walk into their living room and strip naked and make love to their son on the kitchen table that may have changed things! But by choosing to be what they judged me to be were they more likely to let their son go to the movies with me? By being aware of what judgments a hicky create about me, about the boy I was with I would make my choices to create the future I desired rather than the “instant gratification”.
I also had to be aware of the judgments of school “friends” when word got out! A boy is judged as a stud and a girl is a slut! What’s with that???
Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness, talks about when you are willing to receive a judgment – truely receive it without allowing it to affect you – you make $5000 more that year! But if you are unwilling to receive the judgement and you allow it to affect you you will loose $10,000 that year! Wow! All the judgments I am unwilling to receive and everything that stops me from being willing to receive them I now destroy and uncreate all that!
How does this play out in adult life? What are some of the judgments people have about what is right and wrong? What judgments can you create in others that you can use to your advantage?
EG: What do people judge as successful?
- if they judge you as successful will they recommend you to others – Oh you should go to So and So’s classes she is fantastic
- if they judge you as unsuccessful would the be willing to contribute – I feel sorry for them so I will send them some clients
So how can we teach this to our kids? To show them how to use peoples judgments to their advantage?
A fabulous questions to ask when they are talking about doing something that is judge able is “What would a perspective employer or mother-inlaw think if they knew you did that? is that the sort of judgment you desire?”
Leave your comments below about ways you have used other peoples judgments to your advantage?